The guiding principle of this website is that truth is found by letting Scripture shape your thinking, not letting your thinking shape how you read Scripture. Nonetheless, even if you seek the Lord in humility, you might still get stumped on certain difficult passages in the Bible. Therefore, I will share the technique I use to solve such puzzles.

For illustration purposes, let’s use the example of Luke 14:26: “If anyone comes to Me and does not hate his father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, yes, and his own life also, he cannot be My disciple.” Taken alone, this seems to imply that Christians are required to hate their families. Is this really what Jesus wants from us?

I use three techniques to answer questions like this.

Check the Language

First, I look at the underlying language. The Bible was not written in English, so there’s no guarantee that any particular English translation is going to capture the meaning of the verse correctly. In this case, I would hypothesize that the word “hate” literally means “reject in favor of something you prefer instead.”

To test the hypothesis, I use the Blue Letter Bible website, look up the verse, and click through on that word. I then look at the literal definition(s) and, critically, I review the other times this word appears in Scripture to see how it is generally used. In this case, it really does seem that it literally means “hate” and is generally used that way in Scripture, so my hypothesis is wrong.

Still, just because it means literal hate does not mean it is intended to be taken literally. For example, if I say, “If you leave your shoes in the middle of the hallway one more time, I’m going to kill you,” the word “kill” literally means “end your life,” but I’m not saying I will actually kill you. It’s figurative language used for effect.

We therefore have to go further to determine what is intended here.

Triangulate Within Scripture

Second, I consider verses or passages about similar themes or topics within Scripture. In this case, one of the Ten Commandments was “Honor your father and mother” (Exodus 20:12; Deuteronomy 5:16), while the penalty in Israel of striking father or mother (Exodus 21:15) or cursing them (Exodus 21:17) was death.

Jesus reiterated these commandments in Matthew 15:3-9, excoriating the scribes and Pharisees for dishonoring their parents with the man-made traditions they had added to God’s Law. Moreover, Paul indicated in 1 Timothy 5:3-8 that if Christians did not provide for their parents or grandparents in need, they had “denied the faith and were worse than unbelievers.”

Now, the writing of all Scripture was directed by one Holy Spirit, which means it has to all tie together and provide the same meaning. Thus, our original passage clearly can’t be teaching hate towards family, since other passages teach the opposite.

Examine Immediate Context

Finally, we examine the immediate context of the passage, i.e., what comes right before and after. In this case, the verse we’re considering is right near the start of a new section of Luke, so the preceding context is not highly relevant. However, what comes after it is.

After the verse in question, Jesus says, “whoever does not bear his cross and come after Me cannot be My disciple.” Then Jesus uses metaphors to describe people who do not plan thoroughly for a difficult endeavor and suffer as a result. Finally, He says, “So likewise, whoever of you does not forsake all that he has cannot be My disciple.”

Considering the verse in context thus reveals the solution: for many Christians, the choice to follow Jesus puts them at odds with their families. They might be rejected, betrayed, or even physically harmed by those who are supposed to be their loved ones.

Christians thus have a choice to make: will they continue to follow Jesus or cast Him aside so they can reconcile with their families? In order to obtain salvation, disciples have to choose the former. Jesus was warning us in advance of this highly difficult choice, so we can know what we are getting into.

The word “hate” is thus being used in a figurative sense of “total rejection if necessary.” Christians have to forsake anything that threatens their walk with Christ, even peace with their closest loved ones. Now, not everyone will lose every relative, but if faced with the choice, Christians have to act as though they hate their loved ones in order to put Jesus first.

Thus we can see that if a loved one is also a Christian or does not reject the person in question for his or her faith, no “hatred” is required. And we are called to love our enemies (Matthew 5:44), including enemies in our own families. But when it comes to making the difficult choice of whether to keep following Jesus or go along with family that demands that we abandon Him, we know what we must choose.